Ironic, isn't it?

Earlier this week, Dallas Police sealed off Daria Place, a quiet cul-de-sac in the Preston Hollow section of the city, after several neighbors called 911 complaining that former president George W. Bush has locked himself in a second floor bedroom screaming obscenities at passers-by since Tuesday afternoon.

Former President George Bush peers through curtains at his Dallas home

The Secret Service would neither confirm nor deny reports that Bush is holding his wife Laura as a hostage although one caller’s comment that, “It looks like he has the Joker in there with him, too” has led police to believe that they are indeed facing a hostage situation.

The yelling goes on day and night, particularly when Bush sees someone on the street. Pointing to his crotch, he yelled at one startled neighbor, “I got yer weapons of mass destruction right here,” as she walked her dog outside the house.

The past few weeks have been hard on the former president as the Obama White House has taken steps to reverse or delay several policies of the previous administration including canceling oil drilling leases near two national parks and other protected areas in Utah, scrapping leases for oil-shale development on federal lands in Colorado, Utah and Wyoming, seeking more stringent controls on mercury pollution from the nation's power plants, reviewing whether the EPA should regulate carbon dioxide emissions from coal-fired power plants, setting aside a draft plan to allow drilling off the Atlantic and Pacific coasts and shelving a Bush-era rule that critics say weakened protections for animals and plants protected by the Endangered Species Act.

“No doubt about it, all of this canceling and scrapping and seeking and reviewing and setting and shelving have taken their toll,” laughed former friend and vice president Dick Cheney, adding wryly, “Maybe if he had pardoned Scooter Libby, things would be different.”

Local residents, however, have another theory. “He was all set to start last Monday as a greeter down there at Elliott’s Hardware Store on Maple Street,” explained neighbor Cindy Alsnauer. “But they called him on Saturday to say that they put his job on hold for a few months because of the poor economy. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“The worst part was when he had to go and return the vest and everything,” she added.

Former President Bush returns Elliot’s Hardware vest and greeter’s badge upon word that his job was being put on hold due to the poor economy

The former president has issued a series of demands including the immediate appointment of Harriet Miers to the US Supreme Court, an apology from Dick Cheney for being “an asshole about the Scooter thing” and season tickets to Texas Rangers games, adding, “I want them first!”. He also demands that radio commentator Rush Limbaugh broadcast live from his front lawn. Finally, he wants a publisher for his memoirs. Speaking of his wife, he complained bitterly, “She’s already made a heap of money off of her book and I haven’t even found anybody to write mine yet!”

In the meantime, local police, FBI profilers and Secret Service officials agree that there are few options available to them. “Frankly,” said one agent who did not wish to be identified, “we’re hoping that ‘W’ will either give up or eventually just forget why he’s in there in the first place. It’s kind of like what the American public was hoping for last November. Ironic, isn’t it?”